The Fakebook Experiment

I'm a fraud

Really….how did I get here?

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So after a day of thoughts, I end up having to examine why. Why did I get so angry? Why am I so fed up? Why am I so close to crying when I examine what’s happening?

It’s not the whole video with the judge beating his daughter, although that might have been the straw that broke the camel’s back. Just days before, one of my facebook friends posted an article about a “Different kind of ‘drug’ problem”. Here’s a link – http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read/1593653/A_different_kind_of_drug_problem

I’m reading this article. I’m looking at the tens of thousands of likes and shares. I’m thinking back to the similar thread that I thought would never die…..you know the one. The one that said I stayed out till the streetlights came on, drank out of a garden hose….blah, blah, blah and I SURVIVED. Do I even have to state the obvious that being a “survivor” is pretty crappy on the expectation ladder. This post is promptly followed by all the posts about how crappy and disrespectful kids are these days and how treating kids like little robots and swift, harsh punishment is the remedy for putting them back into compliance.

COMPLIANCE……COMPLIANCE…..COMPLIANCE….damnit, I can’t get that out of my head. As a 42 year old parent of two, I can tell you that I’ve seen just as many, if not more examples of heart breaking parenting as I have a disrespectful child. I had a neighbor pop over to my house just 3 or 4 days ago with his 4 year old. The subject came up how I never lay a hand on my children. The guy admits that he does and doesn’t know what else to do. I start talking to him about consistency and he says….yeah, “I do that”. I take away stuff, I put her in timeout and she won’t stay there……wait….what? You’re in a battle of wills and you’re not even going to make sure you win in that one very important instance? I went from…ok here’s someone doing everything right and he’s the exception to the rule, to here’s a guy that hasn’t been shown the way to achieve what he so desperately wants….So he does what so many other parents does and escalates the issue to the point where he now feels in control…..but for how long? At what cost to his child? When you escalate, be prepared to keep going, cause believe me, it won’t be the last time you are tested. What happens when you’ve reached the nuclear option? What happens when you are yelling and screaming and beating your kid and that no longer works?

COMPLIANCE….I’m looking all around me and starting to feel more and more isolated and on an island all to myself. I’ve got my own story of survival and down right child abuse that these kinds of things conjure up inside of me. I grew up in this small Texas town….I don’t want to diverge here but this brings to mind a whole new topic for me to write….I need to focus here….anyway back to the whole “drug” thing. I end up writing a whole rant about how we value compliancy over just about everything else. How there must be so many people who now get the gospel and apply it to their lives. How communities must be tighter knit and more caring to one another. How all of us must have fulfilled our destinies because our parents encouraged us to follow and find our passions. How that the people that have one life’s lottery by finding it most easy to live in a compliant society and aren’t plagued by “defects” that make that more difficult should maybe count their blessings and find a more reasonable way, a more compassionate way to deal with those less fortunate.

I was told to just “chill out” and quit being a jerk. That’s when I lost it. I realize that I have a lot of anger that is building up inside of me. I’m the outsider. I don’t fit in. The final nail in the coffin was a fellow colleague that told me my rants were bad for business. She was right. I suspended my “real” facebook account. I have to go for now. My son keeps interrupting. He wants attention and frankly, that’s more important than this.

Written by fakebookexperiment

November 11, 2011 at 9:13 am

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